(Translated From Arabic)
Dr. Mohamed Ibrahim Al-Halwani
Peaceful dialogue with young people is of great importance, and teaching them the etiquette and methods of talking is of great benefit because this teaches them to trust and builds in them courage and boldness and makes them feel happy and reassured. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave his attention to this group of people. He sought to talk to them, listen to their conversations, answer their questions, and sometimes he would start the conversation by asking them without despising them or underestimating them, and thus he was preparing them for great tasks.
The dialogue of the Prophet peace be upon him with children:
Many people do not care about the conversation with young people, nor do they pay attention to teaching them the etiquette and methods of talking, so you will find him not listening to them when they talk, or that he does not answer their questions if they ask. Rather, you would find that he lies when he tells them something, and he would scold them if they speak, and this is a serious deficiency. This behaviour breeds fear in the child and develops hesitation in him and a loss of self-confidence. The training of the young child in the etiquette of conversation and his use of peaceful dialogue and free discussion will take the educators to the top of education and tarbiyya. It is because of that the child learns to speak and is able to express his views and ideas so that in the future he will have a distinctive personality and his views will have an echo in the souls because he was given the training in the etiquette of speaking.
The intention is not to be excessive in giving the child absolute freedom, so we leave him unbridled and open the door wide for him, allowing him to be rude, or that we are satisfied with him being hateful and offending, and we laugh when he utters some statements of profanity. No, that is not the case because being satisfied with this tempts him to abusive manners. What is meant is that we train him in the established etiquettes and high morals. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to talk to young people and to play with them without showing arrogance or superiority on them. This is confirmed by what was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) he said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was the best of all the people in character. I had a brother called Abu `Umair, who, I think, had been just weaned. Whenever he (that child) was brought to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to say, “O Abu` Umair! What did Al-Nughair (nightingale) (do)? ” [1] It was a nightingale with which he used to play. Sometimes the time of the Prayer became due while he (the Prophet) was in our house. He would order that the carpet underneath him be swept and sprayed with water, and then he would stand up (for the prayer), and we would line up behind him, and he would lead us in prayer.” [2]
Look at the good morals of the Prophet peace be upon him, and his humility with the young child, where he came down next to him asking him about a bird he was playing with. Perhaps someone would ask did the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) find enough time despite the burdens of Dawah (the call) to talk to this young child about this small matter? Yes, this is how the great people were about small and big things, so how about the master of all humankind? Rather, think about a dialogue that took place between the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and a young boy who came to drink water. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not want to break his heart or hurt his feelings; rather, he asked him to drink with the elders. It is narrated from Sahl bin Sad may Allah be pleased with him: A tumbler (full of milk or water) was brought to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who drank from it, while on his right side there was sitting a boy who was the youngest of those who were present and on his left side there were old men . The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked, “O boy, will you allow me to give it (i.e. the rest of the drink) to the old men?” The boy said, “O Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)! I will not give preference to anyone over me to drink the rest of it from which you have drunk.” So, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave it to him. The boy was sitting at the right hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and the elders on his left, and it is Sunnah to start from the right side, and it is also customary to respect the elders and start with them in everything. So, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked the boy to start giving water to adults but the boy refused because he wanted to have the honor of drinking from the hand of the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). What respect for human feelings is there in this dialogue? Also, what fragrance of mercy exudes through it? The boy will not forget this event throughout his life. He will continue to remember the honouring of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and respect his opinion and his rights.
The etiquette in the dialogue of Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) with a young man who wants to do adultery:
It is narrated through an authentic source that a young man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said:
فَقَالَ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ، ائْذَنْ لِي بِالزِّنَا، فَأَقْبَلَ الْقَوْمُ عَلَيْهِ فَزَجَرُوهُ وَقَالُوا: مَهْ. مَهْ. فَقَالَ: ادْنُهْ، فَدَنَا مِنْهُ قَرِيباً. قَالَ: فَجَلَسَ قَالَ: أَتُحِبُّهُ لِأُمِّكَ؟ قَالَ: لَا وَاللهِ جَعَلَنِي اللهُ فِدَاءَكَ. قَالَ: وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِأُمَّهَاتِهِمْ. قَالَ: أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِابْنَتِكَ؟ قَالَ: لَا وَاللهِ يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ جَعَلَنِي اللهُ فِدَاءَكَ قَالَ: وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِبَنَاتِهِمْ. قَالَ: أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِأُخْتِكَ؟ قَالَ: لَا وَاللهِ جَعَلَنِي اللهُ فِدَاءَكَ. قَالَ: وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِأَخَوَاتِهِمْ. قَالَ: أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِعَمَّتِكَ؟ قَالَ: لَا وَاللهِ جَعَلَنِي اللهُ فِدَاءَكَ. قَالَ: وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِعَمَّاتِهِمْ. قَالَ: أَفَتُحِبُّهُ لِخَالَتِكَ؟ قَالَ: لَا وَاللهِ جَعَلَنِي اللهُ فِدَاءَكَ. قَالَ: وَلَا النَّاسُ يُحِبُّونَهُ لِخَالَاتِهِمْ. قَالَ: فَوَضَعَ يَدَهُ عَلَيْهِ وَقَالَ: اللهُمَّ اغْفِرْ ذَنْبَهُ وَطَهِّرْ قَلْبَهُ، وَحَصِّنْ فَرْجَهُ
“O Messenger of Allah! Give me permission to commit Zina (unlawful sex).” The people surrounded him and rebuked him, saying, “Stop! Stop!” But the Prophet said, (Come close) The young man came to him, and he said, (Sit down) so he sat down. The Prophet said, (Would you like it (unlawful sex) for your mother) He said, “No, by God, May Allah sacrifice me for You.” The Prophet said, (Neither do the people like it for their mothers.) The Prophet said, (Would you like it for your daughter) He said, “No, by God, May Allah sacrifice me for You.” The Prophet said, (Neither do the people like it for their daughters. ) The Prophet said, (Would you like it for your sister) He said, “No, by God, May Allah sacrifice me for You.” The Prophet said, (Neither do the people like it for their sisters.) The Prophet said, “Would you like it for your paternal aunt He said, “No, by God! O Allah’s Messenger! May Allah sacrifice me for You.” The Prophet said, Neither do people like it for their paternal aunts. The Prophet said, “Would you like it for your maternal aunt He said, “No, by God, O Allah’s Messenger! May Allah sacrifice me for You.” The Prophet said, Neither do people like it for their maternal aunts. Then the Prophet put his hand on him and said, O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart and guard his chastity.
The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) had a dialogue with this young man and realized that he was sincere and that he wanted to commit adultery due to his instinct that had broken his will. The young man wanted permissino from the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) to do that? What was the attitude of the Prophet peace be upon him towards this young man? Did he scold him? Did he declare him an infidel? Did he harm him? He did not scold him nor did he declare him out of the Ummah and nor did he hurt him, but he gave attention to his condition. He got close to him, and he sat besides him and talked to him with all kindness. After the young man was convinced of these five questions, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) put his hand on him, which indicates more compassion and affection, and the Prophet (peace of Allah be upon him) did not suffice, but he prayed for him for three things. which he desperately needed, so the result was that the soul of that young man become good and that the young man never paid attention to anything of that nature.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) consulted a young kid about a significant matter:
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) consulted Usama ibn Zayd and Ali concerning the matter of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her), asking him about divorcing his wife. What was the response of Usama ibn Zayd, a young kid who did not reach the age of 15, and still, he was consulted on this great matter? Usama said: we know nothing about your family except good [5]. In this great stance and event there is a lesson for upbringing young children and to motivate their talents and sow confidence in them.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) urged the youth to choose the good companionship:
A man will not live alone and must have friends, so if he is blessed, he will have the companionship of the good people. Otherwise, he will be plagued by the friendship of the bad people. Just as a person imitates those around him in their clothes, he imitates them in their deeds and adopts their morals. Your good companion feels what you are feeling and cares about your affairs, rejoice with your joy and sorrows with your sadness, is pleased with your pleasure, loves for you what he loves for himself and hates for you what he hates for himself, and advises you in your presence and in your absence. He will ask you to do good and stop you from doing evil. He will tell you useful knowledge, truthful words and great wisdom, urge you to do good and fruitful work and remind you of the grace of Allah to you that you may thank Him. He will identify to you the imperfections in you so that you may avoid them, and distract you from things that do not concern you.
Therefore, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) urged the young people to choose good companionship, and warned against bad companions, because they have a negative impact on the individual. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “A man follows the religion of his friend; so each one should consider whom he makes his friend..” [6] The Scholars of the hearts say: Do not accompany those whose condition does not bring you close to Allah and his words guide you to Allah. What confirms the effect of the bad companions on their friends is the study conducted by Muhammad bin Nasser al Shamiri in 1409 AH that showed the fact that juveniles committed their deviant acts in company of others. The study also showed a relationship between a group of friends and juvenile delinquency [7]. Blessings and peace be upon you, My master, O Messenger of Allah, you commanded us all good, and warned us against all evil. Finally, we offer a prayer in praise of Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.
[1] Al nughair: a bird like a sparrow, Ibn Al-Athir, al-Nihayah fi Gharib al-Hadith wa’l Athar 5/190, Scientific Library, Beirut, 1979.
[2] Narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh, Book of etiquettes, No. (6203), Dar Touq al-Najat, edition 1, 1422 AH.
[3] Narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh, book Al Musaqat, No. (2351).
[4] Narrated by Ahmad in his Musnad 36/545, no. Narrated from Abu Umamah, Al-Risala organization, edition 1, 2001 AD. Verified by Shuaib Al Arna’ut
[5] Narrated by al-Bukhaari in his Saheeh, al-Maghazi, No. (4141), from Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her.
[6] Narrated by Ahmad in his Musnad 13/398, No. (8028), from Abu Hurayrah may Allah be pleased with him.
[7] Mohammed bin Nasser, a descriptive study on juvenile delinquents at observation house in Riyadh, Imam Muhammad bin Saud University, Riyadh.
